Growing up across different cultures

“Where are you from?” This seemingly harmless question is often asked in the school playground or during the first conversation in a new class. For children growing up in an expat family outside Europe, answering this question is not easy. They may have a Belgian passport, speak several languages mixed together and do not feel at home in just one place.

These children are often called Third Culture Kids (TCKs). They are children who do not grow up in a specific culture, but rather at the very intersection of different cultures. They combine their parents’ culture with that of the country in which they live. In doing so, shaped by their own life experiences, a unique third culture emerges, and with it an identity that is not tied to a country, but to their own history.

Always on the move

For many families, the journey begins with a job offer abroad: in Africa, the Middle East or Asia. A fixed-term contract can quickly develop into a project lasting several years. Life then becomes a cycle of departures and arrivals: a new home, a new school, new friends and, time and again, goodbyes. Even for adults, this is a life-changing experience; for children, it is deeply formative.

In international schools, children learn early on that every encounter may be temporary. Friendships form quickly and are intense. Yet the thought of a time limit is always in the back of their minds. “See you somewhere in the world” is not an empty phrase, but a way of saying goodbye.

This constant on-the-move lifestyle makes expat children particularly flexible. They quickly sense what is considered socially acceptable in a new environment. They adapt their language use and move smoothly between different cultural frameworks. Where others need time to settle in, they seem to find their feet immediately. The flip side of the coin: there is no stable foundation on which everything can take root.

Home – what is that?

For many TCKs, ‘home’ is not a place, but a feeling. A feeling linked to certain people, memories and routines that cannot be pinned down to a single country. Often, Belgium is part of their history through family visits, summer holidays with grandparents, vacations, and so on. However, it is not always the place with which they spontaneously identify. At the same time, the children do not feel fully connected to the country in which they are growing up. This can be particularly confusing during adolescence, when identity begins to take shape more distinctly. The question, “Who am I?” can be more complex when one lacks a clear cultural framework to rely on. (Read our blog “Mental Health of Expats”.)

This is, however, a strength, too. Many of these young people develop a broad worldview, a natural openness and the ability to recognise nuances where others tend to think in black-and-white terms.

Language in all its aspects

Language plays a special role in this process. Language intermingle in many expat families: Dutch at the kitchen table, English at school, perhaps a third language on the street. Multilingualism becomes a matter of course for many children, m. The path, however, is not always easy. Children develop a multilingual identity in which languages coexist – sometimes without any one of them dominating.

Language is rarely just a means of communication. Language is also a key to ‘belonging’. TCKs intuitively sense which words fit which context, switch fluently between registers, but sometimes experience that something is missing. No language feels one hundred per cent ‘like their own’. This might show up as small moments of uncertainty: a word that just won’t come to mind, or an accent that doesn’t fit. However, they develop an extraordinary sensitivity to nuances, intonation and context: skills that often prove very valuable later.

Saying goodbye as a skill

Perhaps the most defining element in a TCK’s life is saying goodbye. Friends who move, countries they leave behind, stories that end abruptly. Some children develop a certain detachment as a result, a way of protecting themselves from having to let go again and again. Others live their relationships in a particularly extroverted and intense way, as if every moment counted.

Invisible support

Such an international life is only possible with support behind the scenes. One should always bear this in mind. Overseas Social Security can play an important role for Belgian expat families. The parents’ insurance package covers children as dependants.. They don't pay any personal contributions until the age of 18, and if they are studying, only when the age of 24. (Read our blog “Who can benefit from my expat insurance”.)

Returning to Belgium

When expat families finally return to Belgium, children are often confronted with an unexpected reality: they are ‘new’ to the country that is part of their lives. They speak the language, but sometimes with a slight difference. They understand the bigger picture, but not always the details. They belong, but don’t feel as if they do.

This return is not the end of the story, but another phase. It is a moment when all their experiences come together and must be reintegrated into a new context. A context that is both familiar and foreign.

Third Culture Kids grow up between different cultures. Their childhood is not tied to a place. They learn early on that identity is not fixed, but evolves. That home is something you carry within you, not necessarily something you find on your doorstep.

This makes their life journey complex, sometimes confusing, but also particularly rich. Perhaps that is ultimately the core of their story: not the absence of roots, but the fact that these roots form differently, less visibly, yet deeply anchored in experiences and relationships.